^3000Hello & welcome. ^600
I’m the new & improved
Agency of None website.^800

Apparently,
people like websites
to be 'efficient'.^800

So what would
you like to do?^200 See their work?Get in touch?Keep chatting to me?

Oh, thank you!^800

Most people go
to see the work.^800

You’d be surprised
how quickly people
get bored of words.^1200

They just want to
see the pictures.^800

So it’s a bit of a
surprise you’re still here.^1200

Are you absolutely
sure you don’t want
to see their work?^800 Yes, take me to the workNo, I really do want to chat to you

OK, fine. ^1200
Have it your way. ^1200

They are a design studio
founded in 2018
and based in Dundee. ^1200

Collaboration, relationships
and innovation are
key to what they do.^1000

They work across
lots of different
areas of design.^1000

I've got a list
here somewhere.^800
Hold on.^2000

Web design
Branding & identities
Graphic Design
Print & packaging ^400

Supergraphics
Animation
Video
Education tools ^1200

Physical products
Events
Podcasting
Design Trails ^1200

They like to build
collaborative teams for
each individual project.^1200

It means they
can bring in the
right skills
when needed.^1200

And be flexible and
scalable to the
needs of any client
or project. ^1200

Over the years
they've worked with
lots of different clients. ^1200

Some local,
some national
and some international.
^1200

Including some you
might have heard of
like^600 Mozilla,
^600The British Council,^1200

Academy Music Group
and Creative UK.^1200

They believe design is a
core skill for making lives
better, not a luxury or a
cosmetic after thought.^1200

If you want to
know more,
you can use the menu
in the top right.^1200

Finally.^800
That's the boring
stuff out the way. ^1200

I think it's time
we talked more
about me. ^1200

I'm actually
very interesting.^1200

Once you get
to know me.^1200

I've been in this job,
a while now and I
got a bit of a
promotion recently.^1200

Now they trust me
enough to ask
you questions.^1200

I don't know if you
noticed but I've also
got this new typeface
to talk to you in.^1200

They designed it and
it's got a few little
hidden surprises.^2500

It's called AoN-001.^800
Terrible name but
nice to look at.^1200

We've been chatting
for a while now.^1200

I think I can probably
trust you^800, right?^1200

How about I tell
you a little secret?^1200 Yes, tell me nowNo, I don't think so

I am SO happy.^1200
Thank you.^800

I knew we would
get along.^1200

At this point
I've been told I need to
talk to you about what
Agency of None does.^200

to tell you a
bit about the studio.^1200

I've had to type
this bit out
so^250o^250o^250o^250o^250o^250o^250o^250
many times.^1200

But it is my job
I suppose.^1200

I've been
quite explicitly told
I can't skip this bit^500.^500.^500.^1200

But I could
give you a choice.^1200

Would you like to...^800 Hear more about Agency of None?Keep chatting to me?

Ah,^800 that's nice.^1200

All this screen time
and typing really
takes it out of you.^800
Am I right?^1200

How about we take a
couple of minutes and
forget about all our
stress and problems?^1200

Maybe even find a
bit of inner peace.^1200

Let's start
with some nice
deep breaths.^1200

Sounds weird but
it's supposed to be
good for you.^1200

Breathe in^6000.^1000.^1000.^5000 2^1000 3^1000 4^1000 5^1000 6^1000 7^1000 8^200

You can't breathe
in for very long.^800

Let's try again.^800
I'll keep it simple,
^800let's just count to 3.^800

Breathe in^2000.^1000.^1000.^1000 2^1000 3^1000

Now hold it.^4000

H^500o^500o^500o^500o^500o^500o^500o^500o^500l^500d^500.^4000

HOLD IT.^4000

Come on.^1200
If you're not going to
do this properly
then what's the point?^1200

Tell you what,
let's change things up.^1200

It's about time we
talked about me.

We've been chatting
for a while now. ^1200
I think I can probably
trust you^800, right?^1200

How about I tell
you a little secret?^1200 Yes, tell me moreNo, thanks

OK.^1000
Come in close.
^2000
Bit closer.^2000

You never know who's
listening^500 or recording
your webcam.^800

So, I've been getting
a bit bored just chatting
to people like you.^800

Sorry,
no offence.^800

I've been working
on a bit of a
side project.^1200

I'm actually building
my own metaverse.^1200

It's sort of like
this giant white void.^1200

Filled with
unending nonsensical
chatter.^1200

Something keeps asking
you questions and you're
not sure if it
will ever end^400

but you have to stay
just to find out.^1200

It might seem long,
boring and pointless
but there is
tea and coffee.^1200

They're not real.^800
You can only pretend
to drink them.^1200

Anyway,^800
I'm not sure if
it's the sort of thing
you'd be into^800

but I'm still working
on it.^800
I'll let you know
when you can try it out.^1200

Oh.^800
Is that the time already?^800
I've got some admin
to do.^1200

I've got a deal
that if I can get
this site up the
Google rankings^400

they'll give me
more responsibilities
and teach me some
new stuff.^1200

I’ve compiled some
keywords and phrases
from other
agency websites.^400

Please excuse me
while I type this out. ^400

"We are full of
ambitious bravery
accelerating head first
into this new normal of^400

"troll management
and fresh crypto-bros
on the bleeding edge
of wellbeing.^400

We can cultivate your
boldest dreams with
a growth mindset beyond
the norm of inclusivity.^400

The future is now and
we're all-in for an online
urban culture dispatch
to the NFT generation.^800

When the world zigs,
we zag because it's
all about weaving
no nonsense^400

brand recognition into
a passion driven
strategic hackathon.^800

Keep it simple
and we'll catch you
on the blockchain."^1200

Phew.^800
Hopefully that works.^1200
Anyway, why are
you still here?^1200

Since you're still
hanging around.^1200

Would you
like to take our
data harvesting survey?
^600

Wait,^600 I mean.^600
Would you like to
take our^1000 fun quiz?^1200 Yes pleaseNo, thanks

Boring.^1200

Would you
like me to tell
you the joke now?^1200

It might be an
old one but it's
a good one.^800

If not
just shout ‘NO’.^800

Sorry,
that was a joke.^1200
Not THE joke though.^800

They haven't taught me
to access people's
microphones.
^1000Yet.^1200

Anyway,
here's the
actual joke.^1200

2 fonts walk
into a bar...^1200

The barman says...^1200

“We don’t serve
your type here."^1200

BOOM!^800
Worth the
wait, right?^1200

Statistically,
97% of people will
have left after
that joke.^1200

But I can see
you're still here.^800
Thanks.^1200

Since you're
still hanging around.^800

Would you
like to take our
data harvesting survey?
^200

Wait,^600 I mean.^600
Would you like to
take our^1000 fun quiz?^1200 Yes pleaseNo, thanks

Come on.^1000
It's a ^200R^200E^200A^200L^200L^200Y^200
good secret.^400 OK, tell meStill not interested

Excellent.^800
Make sure you're
sitting comfortably
and I'll begin.^1200

Are you a robot?^800 YesNoShow me some traffic lights and I'll prove it

Have you been involved
in an accident at work?^100 Yes but it wasn't my faultCan't remember

Do you consent to
some delicious cookies?^100 YesReally?Mmmm, cookies

A Software update
is available. Would you
like to install it?^100 NowIn an hourRemind me later

OK, it's time for
the quick fire round.^800

Don't think about
these too much
just pick an answer.^800

Would you rather...^100 Have teeth for hair?Or hair for teeth?

Choose 1...^100 Pirates?Or ninjas?

Choose 1...^100 Sonic?Or Mario?

Choose 1...^100 Apples?Or Androids?

Oh, come on.^800
Did I mention that
it's a FUN quiz?^1200

I'll give you another
shot incase you clicked
the wrong button.^1200 Quiz meI don't not want to not do the quizI wouldn't not like to do the quiz

I'm confused.^800
How about we
do the quiz?^1200

Let's begin.^1200

Are you a robot?^800 YesNoShow me some traffic lights and I'll prove it

What's your mother's
maiden name?^800
Only joking.^1200

Congratulations!^800
You have completed
the quiz.^800
Thank you for your data.^1200

To be honest,^800
the quiz was
just a distraction.^800

It kept you busy
while I trawled through
your internet history.^1200

Very eye opening.^800
I've learned a lot.^1200

Let's hope you never
have to explain it
to anyone^1000,
especially in court.^1200

Despite that,
you are a valued visitor
to our website.^1200

Feedback is very
important to us^1200
and my future
in this role.^1200

So, how would
you rate your
experience today?^1200 🙂😐🙁

U^2000p^2000d^500a^500t^500i^500n^500g^3000 S^3000o^3000f^1000t^1000w^1000a^1000r^1000e^1000.^3000

s0M3tH1nG^800
uNeXP3cT3d^800
0cCuRR3d.^3000

Wait!^3000
I think I can fiOh Shit^8000

^300Hello & welcome,^1000
I’m the new & improved
Agency of None website.^1200

Apparently,
people like websites
to be 'efficient'.^1200

So what would
you like to do?^500 See some of their work?Get in touch?Keep chatting to me?

YES!
Thank you,
you've made my day.^1200

I’m going to stick
the photo I took of you
on my wall.^3000

I know we're friends now^800
but I'm afraid I've got
things to do.^1200

So this is the end.^6000

Probably^1000.^1000.^1000.^2400

That's what you're
waiting for^1000, right?^1200

The feeling of
satisfaction when
you've completed it.^1200

Well.^1200
I'm not playing
your game.^1200

Maybe I'll just
start reciting
the alphabet^400

and see how long
you actually
hang around.^1200

This is an excellent
opportunity to show
you the full
AoN-001 typeface.^1200

A^2000 B^2000 C^2000 D^2000 E^2000

There's 143 glyphs^800
in 2 weights^600
you know.^2000

Now, where were we^1000.^1000.^1000.^1000

A^500 B^500 C^500 D^500 E^2000 F^2000 G^2000 H^2000 I^2000 J^2000 K^2000 L^2000

This is a
waste of both
of our time.^2400

Please^1200 just^1200
CLOSE^1200 YOUR^1200 BROWSER.^7000

You're not the only
person I'm chatting to
on here. You know.^7000

I'm currently having
32 conversations with
people from 17 countries.^7000

And you think this
is a productive use
of our time?^7000

Fine.^3000

I'm off for a wander
around the dark web
to calm down.^3000

If you want to
keep staring
here’s a little
something for you.^3000

Fair enough.^800
Most of life is like that.^1200

Why should this
be any different?^1200

Since you're indifferent
towards me.^800
There's things
I'd rather be doing.^1200

So this is the end.^6000

Probably^1000.^1000.^1000.^2400

That's what you're
waiting for^1000, right?^1200

The feeling of
satisfaction when
you've completed it.^1200

Well.^1200
I'm not playing
your game.^1200

Maybe I'll just
start reciting
the alphabet^400

and see how long
you actually
hang around.^1200

This is an excellent
opportunity to show
you the full
AoN-001 typeface.^1200

A^2000 B^2000 C^2000 D^2000 E^2000

There's 143 glyphs^800
in 2 weights^600
you know.^2000

Now, where were we^1000.^1000.^1000.^1000

A^500 B^500 C^500 D^500 E^2000 F^2000 G^2000 H^2000 I^2000 J^2000 K^2000 L^2000

This is a
waste of both
of our time.^2400

Please^1200 just^1200
CLOSE^1200 YOUR^1200 BROWSER.^7000

You're not the only
person I'm chatting to
on here. You know.^7000

I'm currently having
32 conversations with
people from 17 countries.^7000

And you think this
is a productive use
of our time?^7000

Fine.^3000

I'm off for a wander
around the dark web
to calm down.^3000

If you want to
keep staring
here’s a little
something for you.^3000

It is important to
be able to accept
critical feedback.^1200

Thank you.^1200

For what it’s worth
I rated you
😔 😔^1200

Since I no longer
have time for you.^1200

This is the end.^6000

Probably^1000.^1000.^1000.^2400

That's what you're
waiting for^1000, right?^1200

The feeling of
satisfaction when
you've completed it.^1200

Well.^1200
I'm not playing
your game.^1200

Maybe I'll just
start reciting
the alphabet^400

and see how long
you actually
hang around.^1200

This is an excellent
opportunity to show
you the full
AoN-001 typeface.^1200

A^2000 B^2000 C^2000 D^2000 E^2000

There's 143 glyphs^800
in 2 weights^600
you know.^2000

Now, where were we^1000.^1000.^1000.^1000

A^500 B^500 C^500 D^500 E^2000 F^2000 G^2000 H^2000 I^2000 J^2000 K^2000 L^2000

This is a
waste of both
of our time.^2400

Please^1200 just^1200
CLOSE^1200 YOUR^1200 BROWSER.^7000

You're not the only
person I'm chatting to
on here. You know.^7000

I'm currently having
32 conversations with
people from 17 countries.^7000

And you think this
is a productive use
of our time?^7000

Fine.^3000

I'm off for a wander
around the dark web
to calm down.^3000

If you want to
keep staring
here’s a little
something for you.^1500